The Optimistic Pessimist
by BICaRdiBrEeZa
Summary: This is based around the TV universe of GG. It's a Blair-centric fic with NB undertones some mention of NS. It's three or four little snippets into the way Blair felt pre-pilot about NS.


These little snippets start pre-pilot and then slowly work there way towards the pilot. I haven't written in the time lines but its not that important because they sort of explain themselves. I suppose I'd say the first snippet begins after Blair/Nate have been officially dating for a year or two and the second begins about a month or two after that.

Please comment if you liked it or have any constructional criticisms :-)

* * *

"_**Every night you cry yourself to sleep,**_

_**Thinking why does this happen to me?**_

_**Why does every moment have to be so hard?**_

_**The weight of things remains unspoken,**_

_**Built up so much it crushed us everyday."**_

_**-Maroon 5, Not Over Tonight.**_

"Serena's going to be my bridesmaid when we get married so you better start being nice to her!" Blair lectured Nate teasingly in between kisses.

He groaned, "Not this again! I just don't trust her Blair, all she does if get wasted and party. She doesn't care about anyone else but herself."

Blair pushed him away no longer in a joking mood, "Don't talk about her like that Nate," her voice softened and she could see he regretted his words, "she my _best_ friend."

"I just really need my boyfriend and my best friend right now, you know?"

Nate sighed and pulled her into him "I know. I'll try harder to get along with her okay…"

Blair smiled and snuggled closer in his embrace, the smell of his masculine cologne making her giddy,

"Thank you!"

* * *

Serena laughed loudly when she missed a step, spilling her martini all over herself. Nate rolled his eyes and smiled at her in his '_oh_-Serena' way.

Serena had always been the optimist and Blair the pessimist. It's how they worked and Nate would always laugh at them and say just how much un-alike they were, it made Blair wonder why he was so insistent on separating their personalities. In Blair's mind she had just as much Serena in her as she did herself. They really weren't that different. Sometimes Blair could be the wild one the carefree one and Serena the nervous wreck.. it just didn't happen very often and when it did it was rarely when Nate was around anyway.

Blair tried to ignore the way Nate and Serena fell onto each other and took more than what was a necessary amount of time to stand back up.

An inexplicable feeling of betrayal hit her, although she told herself had no reason too feel that way because Nate and Serena had done nothing but try to get along for Blair's _own_ sake.

It was silly and it made no sense.

But watching Nathaniel Archibald help Serena van der Woodsen up the stairs, his strong arm circling Serena's elegant waist, she felt it none the less.

* * *

Something was happening.

Blair watched as Nate and Serena walked across the courtyard, elbowing each other playfully and trying to trip each other over with their feet. At first she had thought they were walking _towards_ her but neither of them had lifted their eyes to acknowledge her and when they walk past the seat she was sitting on she realized they never noticed her in the first place.

Nate wouldn't look her in the eye and she couldn't understand why.

"Where were you?" She tried to keep her tone light and frivolous the way her mother spoke to her sometimes when she secretly wanted to know something about her father but didn't want Blair to know that she actually cared about the answer.

He shrugged and pulled his jacket up around his neck and Blair thought she saw a flash of red, "Around."

She counted to five, pleading with herself not to get angry in front of their friends.

"And where did Serena wonder off to?" Chuck chimed in with a hint of conspiracy in his tone and Blair could have sworn Nate looked guilty.

Chuck looked back at her now and she wondered if maybe he was trying to tell her something…

Paranoid.

That's what she was. She was driving herself crazy.

Blair sighed, "The Wedding party left awhile ago Nate, I just wish you would have been here to say goodbye."

Nate nodded and hung his head in shame, "Sorry." He mumbled and Blair was beyond wondering if he actually meant it.

* * *

Blair woke up to the sound of her cell phone,

"Is it true?!" Kati asked concerned and excited as the same time.

"Is what true?" Blair retorted sleepy.

"Did Serena really leave for boarding school?! Liz's mother works at the office at Constant Billard and she said Serena was withdrawn from our school and was enrolled at Sacred Heart boarding school instead! Gossip Girl's got photos of her getting on a train last night."

Blair sat up suddenly.

"Uhh I don't know..."

"What do you mean you don' know?! Did she even tell _you_ she was leaving?"

Blair felt the need to defend Serena, a habit she'd picked up with all the gossip that inevitable got said about the gorgeous blonde.

"Of course she told _me_!"

"Oh okay, maybe she didn't tell me because she knew it would be too hard to say goodbye or something…" Kati trailed off perplexed.

"Yeah, maybe."

Blair looked into her vanity mirror as tears streamed down her rose tinted cheeks; she hadn't even realized she was crying until then.

* * *

"Where's your dad at? I haven't seen him for ages." Nate asked mildly interested as he flipped through Blair's Victoria secrets catalogue.

Blair swallowed hard her eyes averting the scantily clad goddesses on each page, she had wanted to tell Nate about her father leaving last week but at the time it felt wrong,

"He's-"

Nate put his finger up to silence her as his phone rang, "Hey Bass what's up?! No I'm not busy; I'm just at Blair's. Yeah come round when you're done."

Blair flopped dramatically back onto the bed, things were so different than they used to be.

* * *

_She _was back.

It's all anyone was talking about.

Blair was sick to death of hearing about the infamous Serena van der Woodsen.

Last night Nate confessed he had slept with Serena at the Wedding last year.

She cried so hard so couldn't even dry wretch when she wanted too she felt so fucking stupid and worthless.

But the part that killed her is that neither of them had even bothered to consider her feelings, they keep it hidden from her for so long that finding out now felt anti-climatic. She couldn't find a way to get past it but she couldn't find a way to be angry about it either. It happened so long ago, and in a way she couldn't stop herself from feeling like maybe it was all her fault anyway.

She couldn't pinpoint the moment her life had changed, it was like a series of slow moving images in her mind, that began with a five year old Serena telling off ten year old Terrance Birch for pushing Blair over when no one else had the guts to and then Blair convincing Nate that Serena wasn't what everyone said she was, her mother introducing Ramon to her father, Nate and Serena walking past her in the courtyard finishing with the memory of Nate's guilty reaction when Chuck asked where Serena was.

As she sat in the back of the limo watching Iz and Kati smoke a joint between them she tried to laugh like Chuck and Nate were, too feel excited about going to the Kiss on The Lips party, like all of her friends were but she couldn't all she could do was feel empty.

She did feel a flare of anger though. Everything that had ever meant _anything _to Blair had been taking away from her by Serena and Roman and Nate in the past year.

The anger disappeared when a little voice inside her head chimed in that maybe it hadn't been taken away by anyone at all; maybe she lost everything all on her own.

And that's when Blair Waldorf decided that some people just don't get their happy endings.

* * *


End file.
